The American Political Soap Opera

hillarytrump1

This is satire.

According to the mainstream network media, the race for President of the United States in 2016 is a soap opera, and no one is allowed a role unless they are pathetic and evil individuals.  No matter how loud the masses are screaming about their desire to know the candidates positions on the issues, ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and their ilk will not allow coverage of issue related discussions.

These are the days of our lives.

In today’s episode we learn that Hillary Clinton, shortly after surviving a close call with death, is back on the campaign circuit. She puts on her face of concern and indigence when Donald Trump states that someone who introduced him was nervous.  Trump defends his statement that the woman was nervous.  “That should occupy about 8 hours of prime network news coverage”, each camp concludes in their private discussions.  Trump is about to make an eagerly awaited speech about whether he changed his mind that the exiting president, after 8 years of occupying the office, was actually eligible to occupy that office.

Trump, after leaving his stately mansion for the day, offers up his daughter to the highest bidder for a clandestine dinner… the same daughter that admitted he would date if he had the opportunity.  He gnashes his teeth at immigrants that have the audacity to chase opportunities to improve their lives… something Trump crows that he thinks is wrong.

Back in the Clinton compound, Hillary remains incensed that someone so wealthy dare to compete with her for the highest office in the land. She demands that the people see Trump’s tax returns… but back in her lair, her staff are working hard to hide details of her foundation and any misappropriations they may find. Tension is in the air, as her e-mail servers whine as the hard drives churn… almost to overheating them. The former DNC Chair, now a member of her staff signals for a secret meeting. “We need to deflect your health issues, Hillary… Have your investigators found out more about Trump’s Hair? How about the source of his orange face?”

With a loud and dramatic monotone in the background, Hillary, writhing over the latest health report about Trump, orders her henchmen to find out if an orange face can be the cause of a mystery ailment. An ailment so new and unknown that Trump’s clean bill of health from his doctor can be called into question.

Trump, now in his secret high rise office, informs his team that they need to keep pressure in Hillary’s health. “Get more doctors to record videos saying that she will eventually develop leprosy!  Tell the art department to Photoshop images of her in various stages to show the American public what she would look like if she had leprosy!” “But Mr. Trump… wouldn’t that be unethical?” asks a Trump staffer. Trump rises up tall and puffs out his chest: “You’re Fired! Leave us at once!” he bellows to the staffer.

Hillary, in the media studio in her lair, records a video stating that rich people are bad, and that she will take their money and give it to you if you vote for her… and no one can stop her (eliciting a long and evil laugh). Bats fly outside the lair in large numbers and dark clouds emit lighting and the sound of thunder resonates in the air.

The hours fly by and the networks publicize their conflicts:

“Trump is a racist” spouts Hillary.

“Hillary is a criminal” retorts Trump.

“Trump is insane”  interjects Hillary.

“Hillary wears ugly and expensive clothing” responds Trump.

At the conclusion of today’s episode are scenes from tomorrow’s show. Hillary awakens with a cough and immediately puts out a press release that her cough is due to Trump, visiting her lair in the middle of the night and spraying dust in her room. Trump, who relished the attention of such an evil plan, fires back: “I have pictures of Hillary having lunch with Satan”.

The losing theme and credits roll by.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Libertarian Gary Johnson is traveling around the country, making speeches, gaining positive attention, speaking of the issues and what it will take to fix many of the nation’s problems. He meets the people one at a time, offering respectful dialog and working tirelessly to spread a message of Liberty.

ABC, NBC, ABC, and FOX are alerted to this, and his growing national popularity. Separately, but at the same time, the same meetings occur. The conclusion is the same: “He is not insulting or defaming his competitors… This is not politics! People want the drama… the tension. Also, he is in great physical shape. Where’s the conflict here? Our advertisers want results! And besides, our Republican and Democratic overlords would never allow us equal coverage for someone that actually wants to FIX  anything!”

And the people argue over who is more evil between Trump or Clinton, and their banter of irrelevant non-issues continues to occupy the news.  In closing, this is a parody (in part), but isn’t it a sad state of affairs when political news has more to do with irrelevant drivel than it does about who intends to do what?

This article was edited for grammar, style, and spelling, but not for content. The views expressed are that of the author, Steve Kerbel, exclusively, and do not reflect that of BeingLibertarian.com or Being Libertarian LLC

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Steve Kerbel is a businessman, author, and former Libertarian Party candidate for President of the United States.
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