Israeli Capital Relocates According To Trump Again!

Israeli Capital

#FakeNews: Trump relocates Israel’s capital to Jebel-Ali, improves Middle-Eastern relations

JERUSALEM, Israel- In the first such incident in modern history, the entire world expressed condemnation when President Trump relocated Israel’s capital to the United Arab Emirates city of Jebel-Ali.

Many thought that Trump, in his address to the Israeli people, had simply slurred the name “Jerusalem” while attempting to recognize it as the capital of Jewish state. It turns out Trump actually meant to relocate the Israeli capital to Jebel-Ali, a port city in the United Arab Emirates.

Muslims and Jews alike were furious with the decision. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu argued it would be too long a commute for him to the new capital every day, and that the weather was “a ridiculous 110° C in Jebel-Ali, with a chance of bombs.”

President Al Nahyan of the UAE replied, “we agree with PM Netanyahu’s intentions of keeping the dirty, occupying Jews away from our lands, but we believe our climate is far more temperate than that of Jerusalem’s 112° C, with a chance of Palestinian rocks.”

While Trump’s decision has been unanimously condemned as uncharacteristically stupid, some argue the mutual disdain has been a catalyst for the first peaceful dialogue between Israeli and Arab officials in decades. Israel and the UAE are set to hold talks about the weather this coming week, while talks about the Palestinian humanitarian crisis have been postponed indefinitely.

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Adam Barsouk

Adam Barsouk is a student of medicine and health policy at Jefferson Medical College and a cancer researcher at the University of Pittsburgh. His family’s escape from the Soviet Union, and his experiences in the lab and the clinic, have inspired him to restore liberty to healthcare and the other depraved sectors of American life.