Being Libertarian Perspectives serves as a weekly, multi-perspective opinion and analysis piece by members of Being Libertarian’s writing team. Every week the panel, comprised of randomly selected writers, answers a question based on current events or libertarian philosophy. Managing Editor Dillon Eliassen moderates and facilitates the discussion.
Dillon Eliassen: Perspectives Goes Corny (And Possibly Maudlin), Humanizing Our Staff Edition. Please answer at least one of the following: What are you most thankful for? What might you regret? What’s your most embarrassing moment? What’s the weirdest thing about you? Both serious and silly answers are acceptable.
Arthur Cleroux: I’m thankful that I am an exact copy of Harvey Specter, in fact they basically modeled the character in suits after me. The only differences between us are the success, money, the fact that I’m not a lawyer, personality, and looks…other than that we’re basically twinsies! Regret: I came so close to having a chance to fight in World War 3, but Hillary lost and I don’t know if a chance like that will ever come around again…maybe in four years! Embarrassing moment: pretty much every time I tell a joke. Weirdest thing about me: I know a lot about many various subjects, but nowhere near enough about any one to be an expert. Makes me interesting and pretty useless!
Nathaniel Owen: What am I most thankful for? To live in Virginia and not New Jersey. I like living where life can be either quiet or fast and exciting based on where I feel like going for the day. Biggest regret? I had the opportunity to go to college internationally and I turned it down. I kick myself every day for that. Most embarrassing moment? Being on a stage and introducing the wrong speaker. Weirdest thing about me? I’m a perfectionist in everything I do, but I’m enough of a slob in my own apartment to turn it into a Machiavellian nightmare and never feel that I’m being inconsistent.
Martin van Staden: What am I most thankful for? The Internet. It was my gateway into what will inevitably define the rest of my life. It is how I learned about and got involved in libertarianism, and it is how I got my job. What is my biggest regret? Difficult question, but probably that I didn’t get off my ass and get involved in activism and writing earlier in my life. It took me until my second year of university to really get involved in anything. What’s my most embarrassing moment? Another difficult question. There are probably some worse moments, but a few years back I was the head delegate of my Model United Nations delegation. On the second day of the conference I overslept and arrived four hours late. However, it might have been appropriate for me to be late to that MUN thing because my delegation was representing the African country of Togo.
Dillon: My most embarrassing moment is actually someone else’s most embarrassing moment. My college roommate’s sister came up to visit. She spent the weekend in our dorm room. One night the three of us and our friends got drunk down at somebody’s apartment off campus. Me and my roommate’s sister went back to the dorm room, my roommate didn’t leave at the same time. So me and the sister start fooling around, we’re naked, and in walks my roommate, and he immediately left the room as soon as he realized what was going on. She and I stopped, and I said something about how it was embarrassing for me, and she commented tha, yes, my roommate just saw me naked, but he’s her brother and it was more embarrassing for her, to which I readily agreed. And no, that wasn’t the last time my roommate saw my penis.
Nathaniel: I imagine half the world has seen Dillon naked and we all just happen to be in the other half.
Dillon: Oh, rest assured, there will come a time when you will all see me naked.
Nathaniel: Most of us have and are just saying we didn’t.
Dillon: My biggest regret is also about a girl. A girlfriend dumped me and it affected me a lot. I regret that it had a profound impact on me, I let my self-worth be dictated for a while on the fact she dumped me, and I became depressed, nihilistic and self-destructive. It delayed my growth as an adult. I’d say something weird about me is also related to a woman. My wife and I met Memorial Day weekend of 2008 and by Labor Day weekend we were married. It’s weird in that it’s uncommon to get married after only knowing someone for three months.
Nicholas Amato: Something weird about me: I have an uncanny love for soundtracks for someone at my age, especially orchestral soundtracks.What is my biggest regret? Probably that I wasn’t able to go to Hillsdale College after getting accepted there. Parents would only hand me money from a mutual fund, and not co-sign loans for me, so it probably would’ve been damn near impossible anyway, but finding a way to go to the most libertarian/conservative university in the nation would’ve been nice, especially with the world we live in today. Most embarrassing moment? I suppose this wasn’t exactly me who caused it, but I have to live knowing I was part of this, and that it happened: when my best friend, who was also my debate partner — in high school parliamentary debate — and I were arguing for the pros of vigilantism. Worst debate round ever: my partner used Batman as an example, which was fine and dandy, until out of nowhere he said “Hitler was a vigilante,” as if it was a good thing. I think he realized what he was saying at that moment, but seeing as though we were going up against one of the best debaters in our league — two women from an up and coming private school that’s been fostering a lot of debate geniuses — we knew we’d be held to saying that, and he had to continue that argument. I did my best to avoid uttering those words, to say the least. I feel like that we were part of the literally best parliamentary debate team in the entire nation for a number of years makes this way worse, too.
Martin: Was there trauma counseling for the audience?
Dillon: Is it at all possible your partner meant to say, “Hitler was a vegetarian?”
Anna Trove: I’m thankful for being able to save so many animals. In the last year I’ve fostered 47 dogs, 12 cats, and more wildlife than I can count. Biggest regret: screwing around instead of devoting myself to college, and now I won’t graduate from vet school until I’m 29. Most embarrassing moment: will not be admitted on the Internet. Though one time I was eating Wendy’s chili while driving, but it was way too hot. So naturally I thought, hey, why not stick it out the window to cool it down? Needless to say I had slightly cooler Wendy’s chili all over my face and car. I still don’t understand how I could be that stupid. There are so many though. Once in high school, we had a project to use different colors to denote different agricultural crops, making a plan for a farm or something. I accidentally made the cornfield look like a giant yellow penis. Teacher put it on the projector and said “Apparently this is where Anna’s unconscious goes.” I was mortified. Those are the only not COMPLETELY inappropriate/gross ones I can think of. I very recently accidentally made fun of a non-verbal autistic person to their face without knowing it. I could have died.
Dillon: We’ve all done stupid stuff like that. Well, not me, of course. But all of you have, I’m sure.
Martin: I still occasionally try to clean spoons the retarded way.
Dillon: What’s the retarded way to clean spoons? Does that make me retarded for not knowing the retarded way?
Nick: Washing them with the concave portion face up so the water splashes outwards.
Martin: The tap should naturally be opened quickly and on full power for maximum effect.
Dillon: Oh. Martin you’re in law school right? How’s that going?
Martin: It’s hopefully almost over. And if I fail I’ll break down in front of my lecturers and say I was traumatized by Trump winning.
Nima Mahdjour: Most thankful: for curious, open minded people who can have a logical & empirical conversation, and blow my mind with things I didn’t know! Regrets: None. Embarrassing: Hitting on a girl with her lesbian girlfriend standing right next to her (wait, about that regret question…).
Michael D Vellian: On New Years like five years ago, I hear I got black out drunk, threw up in the living room then layed down crying. That was the only time I ever got black out drunk. I wish I could remember crying on the floor because I threw up. Must have been hilarious.
John Engle: As with any question about personal things, my answer is: Am I being detained?