Perspectives – Various Leaders Weigh-In On Canadian U.S. War

libertarian, Canadian

This is satire.

Justin Trudeau’s announcement of his plan to add a carbon tax to the American side of the Keystone Pipeline was not well-received by the Trump administration.

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer admonished Ottawa, saying “the Keystone Pipeline will be going ahead without a carbon tax, and if necessary, the US would be going ahead with it, by force.”

Trudeau responded, saying “the tax just got 10% higher!”

Trudeau offered a more diplomatic solution from his Instagram and Tumblr account, writing “I would ask the Americans to hold off on their march to Ottawa. At the rate I’m spending, this country’s national debt should ensure Canada’s utter destruction without the need for American intervention.”

Photo credit: ANDRE FORGET/QMI Agency

Canadian Minister of Defense, Harjit Sajjan, had the following to say to American media outlets, “Ya buncha yankee hosers.”

Canadians are somewhat concerned as their anti-missile defense system consists of National Hockey League goalies Carey Price and Jake Allen while their artillery consists mostly of hockey sticks and pucks, and their soldiers are moderately-trained polar bears and beavers.

Front-runner to become the Canadian leader of opposition, Kevin O’Leary, has been forming a coalition of partners hostile to the new Trump administration, including Mexico, Germany, Tiffany Trump, CNN, and Chinese currency. California also asked to participate, but O’Leary responded, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Secretary of State Tex Drillerson reminded U.S. citizens, “This war for oil is not a war or oil.”

Being Libertarian attempted to solicit a response from former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, but was unable to afford her $100,000 fee. Some people sincerely believe she wants to help people.

We were, however, able to afford former presidential candidate Gary Johnson’s speaker fee of 5 grams of weed, though his response was suspect, with him asking “what’s Toronto?”

Rachel Maddow opined that this wouldn’t have happened under former President Obama, but was reminded that he bombed Yemen and Libya for less just causes. Shortly thereafter the writer of this article took a moment to realize the article isn’t satire anymore, and is no longer an April Fool’s joke, and got angry with reality.

The hashtag #cucknadian has been the number one trend among Donald Trump supporters.

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