Top 5 Ways Social Justice Warriors Remind Me of My Toddler

Becoming a parent is one of the most transformative experiences one can have. You learn a lot about yourself. For instance, I thought that I had a good temperament until I became a parent and realized that I just had good sleep. What I wouldn’t give for a few full nights of sleep!

Being a parent also teaches you about society, if you’re observant enough. Every day, while watching and interacting with my 2½-year-old son, I feel like I’m gaining dramatic insight into the psychology and mental state of social justice warriors. The similarities are striking and being a parent long enough, you can’t help but come to the conclusion that many of the social justice warriors are just toddlers who never grew up. Here are the top ways SJWs remind me of my toddler.

1. They Steal

Whenever my son sees something my other son has and is enjoying, he walks up to him and takes it. It doesn’t matter if the object wasn’t rightfully his or even that he doesn’t have a good use for the object, he takes it anyway.

SJWs are cultural Marxists and think that everything they want (for good reason or not) should be theirs for free. Health care, a college education, $15 an hour for flipping burgers. Of course, they don’t just take the stuff for themselves—they let government do that under the guise of the social contract. It’s toddler justice.

2. They Make Indiscriminate Screeching Noises

Some people call little boys “noises with dirt on them,” and that is certainly the case for my boys. They are very loud and obnoxious. At random times throughout the day, one or both may break out in horrible screeching sounds that approximate a velociraptor being impaled by a stegosaurus spike. I’m reminded of this bizarre noise every time I see videos like the one of the lady going bonkers during Trump’s inauguration.

3. They Abuse Logical Fallacies

Being a lover a logic, it’s tremendously difficult to discuss anything with a toddler because of the constant onslaught of fallacies. My toddler’s favorites include argumentum ad nauseum (I want to go out, I want to go out, I want to go out, I want to go out), and red herring (Me: “You need to sit down.” My boy: “But it’s raining.”).

The really excitable SJWs are, perhaps, even more illogical than my toddler. I’ve had “conversations” with some on social media in which every comment is a fallacy. Here are some of their favorites:

• Straw Man: When Republicans put forth their failed attempt of an Obamacare replacement, a friend said that they, “literally want to kill people.”
• False Inference: “You think that hate groups have the right to say whatever they want; therefore you are literally Hitler!”

4. Racism, Sexism, Groupism (Whole to Part)

The concept of white privilege and the idea that only members of a certain race can be racist is, itself, racist, which is the whole to part fallacy: you’re part of this group, so you must have all the qualities attributed to the group. Most of these common SJW fallacies are present in this interaction.

5. They Cry When They Don’t Get What They Want

When my boy doesn’t get what he wants or I tell him no, he acts like I’m subjecting him to a personal gulag and proceeds to ferociously bawl for 20 minutes. This is eerily reminiscent of the sob-fest after Trump beat Hillary Clinton in the presidential election. I’m sure crying is a good healthy response to actual harm, but it shouldn’t be the go-to reaction when you don’t get what you want.

As you can tell from this brief analysis, the similarities between social justice warriors and toddlers are striking. That’s why it’s vital for us parents to teach our children the value of property rights, critical thinking, and basic communication skills. The future of civilization is in our hands.

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JSB Morse

JSB Morse is a husband, father, author, entrepreneur, and philosopher. He has recently written "Paleo Family" with his wife and previously written the political thriller "Gods of Ruin" and the spiritual fiction "Now and at the Hour of Our Death". He is editor of "The Libertarian Catholic" and can be found at jsbmorse.com.

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