Haven’t you sat before the TV in frustration at the talking points being spouted off by the politicians jockeying for political office? Just wanting to yell, “God they are so stupid, I wish they would read (insert book title here)!” Well I know I have, so I went ahead and compiled a list of what the remaining 2016 candidates need to check out at their local library.
For Hillary
- “Computers For Seniors For Dummies”
Poor Hillary. What more could she have done wrong after putting a secret computer server in her bathroom closet? At least she didn’t plug her hair dryer into the same socket, overload the circuit, and then fry all her top secret intel. Hopefully this quick read will help Clinton stay in the clear when she’s back in the White House!
- “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds”
I know old Hill has been trying to get people to like her for almost 4 decades now since she was the First Lady of Arkansas back in the 80s. I think all she needs is this book and a minute and a half more perseverance. Together it might just get her to be at least as lovable of a robot as C3PO.
For Donald
- “Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All”
If I was the Don I’m sure I’d have a lot to say about this reading selection, but seeing I’m not, I think I’ll just let this one speak for itself.
- “Winners Aren’t Losers”
I know he wrote it himself, but it couldn’t hurt for him to go back and skim his 10-page magnum opus. Hopefully it reminds the Don that he has a lot riding on this election. If he is the man who prides himself on never losing falls short of winning this November, it might do so much damage to his pride that even a man like him couldn’t emotionally recover!
For Bernie
- “Music of the Great Depression”
O Bernie! He’s probably the only presidential candidate to ever praise breadlines and he’s all the rage among the college age kiddos! And as we all know people love music, especially young folks. So this reading selection will be perfect for future President Sanders and his supports so they can learn some tunes to hum in line together while waiting for their weekly rations in the United Sanders Socialist Republic.
- “Hammer and Tickle: A History of Communism Told Through Communist Jokes”
The first Sanders reading suggestion is one that would be more important if he was actually on the way to getting the nomination. Seeing how he’s not, this second selection seems more appropriate. Sanders and his social justice warrior college followers need not cry at the failure of their collectivist ideology to gain traction in the 2016 elections. Instead the comrades can laugh away their sadness with some good old jokes like…
“Q: Why, despite all the shortages, was the toilet paper in East Germany always 2-ply? A: Because they had to send a copy of everything they had to Moscow.”
But seriously, all three of them should read this, at least…
- ‘THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA”
I mean it’s not super long and its pretty simple and straightforward. At the end it even gives you 10 really good bullet points on what not to mess with. It’s the perfect “How to be President for Dummies”. I highly suggest you please check this one out even if you haven’t heard of it before! The authors have pretty good (eh… mostly) reviews.
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