President Joe Biden spoke yesterday morning at an impromptu press conference at the east appointment gate of the White House, adjacent to the US Treasury building, just after signing executive order “EO 14088 Guidance to Bureau of Engraving and Printing on Issuing Global Currencies to Combat Inflation (2022).”
The president issued the executive order immediately after signing the $1.5 trillion spending omnibus package passed by Congress on March 11. The president announced the sweeping new policy, to take immediate effect, of no longer printing US dollars to cover the federal government’s unfunded liabilities. Additionally, the executive order is aimed at reducing the current high levels of inflation.
“My administration is committed to curbing the inflation that is impacting the economy and the wallets of all Americans,” President Biden said. “This order is a bold and innovative way to bring inflation under control by no longer printing US dollars to cover American spending obligations. The US Treasury will now only print the low-valued and wildly unstable currencies of Iranian’s Rial, Vietnam’s Dong, Indonesia’s Rupiah, the Laotian Kip, Uzbek’s Sum and the Ugandan Shilling.”
“Since we’ll be printing money that has very little value,” President Biden continued, “the effective inflation will be minimal. I’ve come to understand and agree that printing money, which is a result of deficit spending, creates inflation, but if we spread out our money printing over several near worthless currencies, the value of the dollar will not be reduced. See? Those currencies are already garbage so printing more of them ain’t gonna do nothing bad to our economy, get it?”
Biden also signaled that if Russian President Vladimir Putin did not halt his invasion of Ukraine, he would amend the executive order, or sign a new one, to include printing the Russian and the Belarusian Rubles.
“The sanctions my administration has put into place have severely crippled the Russian economy, but we may have to destroy the average Russian citizens’ ability to put food on the table. Premier Brezhnev is a reasonable man and, like his predecessors, cares about the welfare of his citizens. He will surely realize the error of his ways when middle class Russian families begin to starve and fall ill because they cannot afford food, soap, and toilet paper. A lot of Russian families still remember the good ol’ days of breadlines and will use their First Amendment right to free speech to say, just as I did, ‘Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.”
President Biden then staggered up the driveway toward the East Wing without taking any questions from reporters. Later in the Briefing Room, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki clarified President Biden’s comments:
“White House counsel will investigate if it is moral and ethical, as well as legal, for the Treasury to print another country’s currency…
The president meant President Putin when he said Premier Brezhnev…
No, the president did not smile, chuckle, nor mutter, ‘Oh man, that’s funny,’ when he mentioned Vietnam’s Dong…
The president misspoke when he said printing money leads to inflation. He has not wavered in his position that inflation is caused by greedy corporations raising prices…
No, the president was not trying to invoke nostalgia for breadlines…
Yes, President Biden is aware he is not President Ronald Reagan, and that the Berlin Wall was torn down 33 years ago…
The president was speaking aspirationally when he said Russians have a First Amendment right to free speech….
Yes, the president recognizes how dangerous free speech is…
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Maybe they could try printing some gold, the modern version of alchemy.
…..forgot to /sarc/ it??
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