How To Write Like An Alt-Right “Libertarian” – Opting Out

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Not making enough money from the usual libertarian channels? Need a high-falutin justification for deep-seated racial prejudices? Frustrated that the philosophy of liberty has not provided the ultimate purpose for your up-to-now meaningless existence? Then you might want to get on the alt-right train. Don’t go in blind – let this be your guide to navigating your way through an alt-right libertarian article.

Write like a German

You’re trying to sound intellectual. You want to be respectable. You know you’re going to get a reaction – after all, that is what the purpose is. However, you want to take the intellectual high ground when people come after you with pitchforks.

The answer is to write as if you haven’t yet experienced a human emotion. In fact, it’s hardly apt to call you a human. You are a Vulcan, unclouded by the petty emotional biases of men. You only see things through the cold hard light of reason. You deconstruct, analyse and bring the unvarnished truth to the fore.

Hans-Herman Hoppe is a good example to imitate (which is convenient, since that is all you have read). His deconstructions are systematic, impersonal and irrefutable. We must write in the same way, even if we are arguing about how THOTS are a threat to liberty.

Make an edgy but ultimately banal point

The first objective is to be edgy AF, so go for the most politically-incorrect conclusion you can find. Something that will make the commie scourge squeal. It doesn’t have to be socially-acceptable. It’s better if it’s not (by the way, I wonder why we’re trying to hold the ethical high ground when we’re all impersonable brutes? A question for another time, maybe).

Heck, why not go all the way and argue how white nationalism is, in fact, compatible with libertarianism? That’ll make them faint. Clutch as many straws as you like – when you write like Hoppe, you can make anything sound like perfect reason.

Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

When the inevitable backlash comes, the best line of defense is to repeatedly ask to be pointed out where you are incorrect. Of course, if you’ve done this well, you are not technically incorrect, merely offensive and irrelevant. Block anyone who, by some miracle, points out your error, or at least anyone who points out what a disastrous evangelistic technique this is.

Shrug your shoulders as if you’re an impartial Socratic mega-brain

Everyone else is going batshit. Even those with sober refutations of your argument are batshit as well (if you can’t prove this, the block button is just a glorious invention). You can’t even understand why anybody would get upset at the mere truth-telling of the alt-right. We can only guess that the irrationality of man knows no bounds.

Everyone who doesn’t agree is a commie

Nuance is for cucks. It’s imperative to equivocate every disagreement with nothing less than global communism. The libertarian movement is being taken over by leftists, and nothing can be more important than weeding out anybody that promotes anything that could reasonably or unreasonably be construed as leftist. Even the charges of fascists and Nazis don’t make sense because the Nazis were just leftists – like, duh bro.

Be an enormous hypocrite

You might feel a tad perturbed that you’re urging people against “degeneracy,” sexual deviancy and the like whilst you’re hardly a model of traditional values. Don’t fear, as this is totally irrelevant. You can make up for your history of heavy drinking, adultery and polyamorous love nests by peddling the most uncharitable view of alternative lifestyles. Humility is a lefty, feminine thing.

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James Smith

Writer and film-maker from the United Kingdom. Digital nomad. Author of 'The Shy Guy's Guide to Travelling'.