My Fake Interview With Dr. Ben Carson


lead_960Writer’s Note: This fake interview was conducted several hours before Dr. Ben Carson announced he was suspending his campaign. The editors at Being Libertarian felt it was important to publish this fake interview to provide some insight into the mental state of a presidential candidate whose best showing state by state was in fourth place, out of five candidates. The topics touched on in the fake interview below range from Dr. Carson’s possible pathway to the GOP nomination, rumors he has been offered a run at Florida’s open US Senate seat, and cerebral hemorrhages.

Dillon Eliassen: Thank you for taking some time out from your hectic campaign schedule to speak with me. You must be feeling the strain of constantly meeting with your constituents, trying to win new supporters, and debating your rivals.

Dr. Ben Carson: Philippians 4:13: “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

DE: Absolutely. Well, it’s the day after Super Tuesday and this morning your long-time friend Armstrong Williams is reported in as saying, “There is no pathway” to the Republican party nomination. Do you agree with Mr. Williams?

Dr. BC: No. No, I do not.

DE: So, does that mean you will not be dropping out of the race and endorsing another candidate?

Dr. BC: (laughing) No, I will not. I have no intention of suspending my campaign. We are taking this campaign all the way to the convention.

DE: You mean you will attend the convention? Possibly give a speech in support of the eventual nominee?

Dr. BC: No, I will attend the convention as the nominee.

DE: Dr. Carson, as of now the delegate count is as follows: Trump 316, Cruz 226, Rubio 106, Kasich 25, followed by yourself in

last place with only 8 delegates. How can you possibly hope to secure the nomination with such a delegate deficit?

Dr. BC: Isaiah 40:31: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

DE: Right. The same story reported the GOP has offered you a run for Florida’s open US Senate seat, but that you have declined that offer. Can you elaborate on your decision?

Dr. BC: Proverbs 24:30-34: “I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man lacking sense, and behold, it was all overgrown with thorns; the ground was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down. Then I saw and considered it; I looked and received instruction. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.”

DE: Not sure those verses totally apply. Doctor, you are very soft-spoken and not given to bombastic and hyperbolic statements. One could even say you appear timid on stage during the debates.

Dr. BC: Well, I am used to speaking in a lower tone and volume of voice due to my career as a neurosurgeon. Shouting and yelling within earshot of neurological patients is very dangerous. My colleagues and I have dedicated our careers to preventing and stopping cerebral hemorrhages, not creating them.

DE: Loud noises can create cerebral hemorrhages?

Dr. BC: Oh, yes! Lots of brain blood. Big messes.

DE: Really? I did not know that.

Dr. BC: Haven’t you ever noticed signs around hospitals asking you to be quiet?

DE: We’re getting a bit off topic here. Maybe we should wrap up. It has been noticed that Senators Cruz and Rubio began to catch up on the frontrunner Donald Trump following their repeated attacks on his character and policy positions. Are you not concerned your laid-back demeanor will lead voters to believe you are not a ‘fighter,’ and they won’t vote for you if you don’t attack him?

Dr. BC: Matthew 5:5: “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.”

DE: That might not be an effective strategy against someone like Trump.

Dr. BC: (laughing) I have Trump right where I want him. Now, go in peace, and remain my brother in Christ.

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Dillon Eliassen is a former Managing Editor of Being Libertarian. Dillon works in the sales department of a privately owned small company. He holds a BA in Journalism & Creative Writing from Lyndon State College, and needs only to complete his thesis for his Master’s of English from Montclair State University (something which his accomplished and beautiful wife, Alice, is continually pestering him about). He is the author of The Apathetic, available at He is a self-described Thoreauvian Minarchist.

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