It’s that time of year again: Black Friday, holiday deals and festivities accented with the snide memes of atheists reminding us all that many Christmas traditions come from pagan traditions and hippies warning of consumerism.
And Donald Trump screeching about the War on Christmas – that also.
What the Donald and his minions seem to forget is that the anti-Christmas crowd has been here a long time – at least as long as I can remember (and I am almost 36 years old).
It certainly does seem like there are more of them nowadays. But social media has turned the person with the voice and reach of a church mouse into a Christmas-hating televangelist. Truth is, the children of the Christmas haters of old inherited their parents’ cynicism; nothing changed, voices just got louder.
Here is the reality:
These self-righteous dingle-berries (on both sides of the argument) want to feel smart (generally because if they are, it is on a superficial level that wouldn’t get them on Jeopardy if it was a public access show). They are looking for a debate they feel they can win in a fashion similar to Mayweather fighting Stephen Hawking.
So, give them one! Let us first start with the people who believe there actually is a War on Christmas.
I Can’t Say “Merry Christmas” anymore
Why not? I’m certainly not stopping you. And I highly doubt anyone else is stopping you.
My boss says I can’t say it to customers
Well, sounds like you should either find a new job or shut up and do what your boss says. Especially since during Christmas time you probably need the money – unless you are Jewish – though there is the whole Chanukah thing.
I feel attacked by the anti-Christian left
You probably are. That still isn’t stopping you from saying “Merry Christmas”, though.
I’ve got about ten more of these, but I only listed the most popular ones because they form the basis of the argument for most of the War on Christmas crowd. I would really like to focus on the second one because it comes up a lot for a demographic claiming to be for small government.
So many conservatives and libertarians believe in workers’ rights or employment rights, but fail to remember the most basic tenets of property rights.
If I put down the money to start a business, build that business and then become profitable enough to offer you a job – then number one on your list of priorities should be to do as you are told or to get another job.
For the record, I wouldn’t stop my employees from saying any type of polite holiday greeting, but I wouldn’t encourage it either.
As far as I can tell, this is one of only a few instances where the government is doing exactly what I would do if I ran it (or disbanded it in my case). They are doing nothing, and I applaud that.
This is not a put down to those defending time-honored traditions that have stood in Western civilization for a very long time. It is me telling you that you can defend your beliefs and traditions without feeling the itch of statism creeping up your spine.
Your traditions were stolen from pagans
Maybe. What’s your point?
You have no idea how many Scrooge McAssholes I’ve shut down with that one little line.
I give them nothing, show little to no emotion and most of all – make it obvious that their non-point is irrelevant. But you might come across this one:
It was meant to celebrate the solstice
So what? Presents used to be given on Saint Nicholas of Myra’s feast day (December 6th) and only in recent history has that shifted to Christmas Day (which previously had been a strict day of solemnity).
Here, I have shown that I am a student of history – shattering the idea that all Christians are historically uneducated buffoons. This one puts the Christmas-SJW on the ropes.
But they will then try this little bad boy:
Jesus wasn’t born on December 25th
No shit, Sherlock! It is a commemoration. We are celebrating his birth, not his birthday.
The less intellectual or historically-inclined Christmas-hater will probably accuse you of flip-flopping; but don’t be discouraged – at this point they got nothing, and they know it.
And that is pretty much it. That is how you shut down the Christmas-hating bah humbug motherfucker that you might end up debating. If you are lucky, it will be family around the table on Christmas morning, but more than likely – just a Twitter debate fueled by your annoyance and their desire to feel important while on break from school.
But there is one thing I wish to bring up in conclusion; why the hell is a religiously based holiday a national holiday?
Let’s not forget that many libertarians (myself included) don’t even think we should have national holidays.
Think about it. What right does the government have to tell employers they must pay more on one day as opposed to another? Sounds like big government bullshit to me.
My personal gripe with all this: why can’t we just be happy there is a reason to get together in the wintertime, have a beer and put all this bullshit behind us?
I highly doubt I speak for most Christians (my penchant for profanity and substance abuse tends to alienate me from them) when I say I don’t even care if you believe, just shut up and chill man. Have a beer or an eggnog. But for the love of all that is good and fucking holy, chill the fuck out!
I mean seriously, even back when I was an atheist myself I could still show up at a Christmas party and just be happy to see friends and get trashed in a Santa suit (I fucking rock that suit also).
So, this season, I propose we kill them with kindness. But only if my snarky responses aren’t appealing to you.
So Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Joyous Kwanza, Happy Holidays and of course… taxation is theft!
* Bryce Jackson is a writer and cook from Woodstock, Vermont. Becoming a libertarian in 2013 and a writer in December of 2016, Bryce’s work has been featured on multiple websites and blogs. He is a contributing author for The Libertarian Vindicator and The Free Mind Media blog. He has also been featured as a guest author for Being Libertarian and The Daily Liberator. When not writing libertarian politics and philosophy, Bryce writes semi-autobiographical stories (featured @BryceJacksonBlog on Facebook) and takes care of his two dogs, Brigit and Dozer. Bryce’s father also lives with him.